Before I left my family for the “40 days in the wilderness”, my daughter Emalene gave me a picture to keep with me, to hang up in my hospital room. She’s really grown as an artist who enjoys expressing herself with drawing!
The words of the Psalmist, written thousands of years ago, resonate with me as I reflect back and look forward.
Psalm 116 v1-2
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.
I knew many people were praying for me, especially during the difficult 6 weeks apart from my family and 9 days of hospitalization for CAR-T-cell therapy, because I could feel God’s peace, presence and closeness to me.
v3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came over me;
I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
My doctor here in Grand Rapids reminded me that “achieving remission was by no means guaranteed”. With the news of my remission I am again brought back to my knees, in awe of God’s healing in my life today and full of hope for the future.
v4-5 Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Lord, save me!”
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
I am getting my strength back again. I can feel the life returning to me, and our family is beginning to put the pieces back together after having gone through so much.
v6 The Lord protects the unwary;
when I was brought low, he saved me.
From the outside looking in, things are more and more normal. We are getting settled into our new home, our kids are wrapping up the school year, and I have been engaging more in remote work with Wycliffe.
Several people have told me that, besides the mask, I look healthy again – and I think I would agree given where I’ve come from!
My right leg muscles work well – I take Snoopy for walks and runs without pain – but when something brushes up against it, I am reminded of a different reality – of the persistent numbness, and nerve twinges that occasionally flash through my muscles like lightning.
Despite appearances, each person in our family has experienced great trauma and grief in different ways. These effects are below the surface but very real.
v7-8 Return to your rest, my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
I wish I could say that there are no more tears. God has delivered me from death – wow, that was close! While my cancer disappeared from all the scans, trauma and grief are companions on a much longer road of healing.
v9 that I may walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.
On this journey of healing, Becca and I are learning to walk before the Lord more deeply. We are attending weekly counseling to work on all that we have been through.
Our kids are certainly resilient, but they have not come through without scars. They still ask when we are going to return to their home, to Thailand. Our answer is that we are focusing on healing, recovering as a family and trusting God through a discernment process. We are trusting God just like we did through the cancer storm.
v10-11 I trusted in the Lord when I said,
“I am greatly afflicted”;
in my alarm I said,
“Everyone is a liar.”
There are sometimes moments in our home where the trauma and grief break through. A daily reminder that I am a sinner in need of Jesus!
v12-13 What shall I return to the Lord
for all his goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the Lord.
Through her drawing, my daughter spoke what I most needed to hear: all we need is Jesus! What can I do to thank God for all His goodness to me? To daily draw near to Him, to trust Him, and to get on my knees in dependence on Him. You, too, can do this with me.
Looking Forward
It’s totally reasonable to ask “What’s next?”
If you’ve read this far, the first picture is of growing tomato plants, started from seed, basking in the sun on our deck. It’s amazing to see how far they’ve come, but they still have a lot of growing to do before they yield fruit! Perhaps God has humbled us through this painful process so that we can grow in dependence on Him in the face of great uncertainty.
I am on intermittent medical leave through July 11, which means I can work remotely part-time as I’m able. After that, I will return to full-time remote work with Wycliffe while allowing time for regular appointments and scans.
From a Medical Perspective…
My Grand Rapids doctor would say I am not “out of the woods” (but when on earth are we really ever out of the woods?) There is still a heightened sense of vigilance to catch anything early, if there were to be a recurrence or MRD (minimal residual disease – I am getting an education here). So I have monthly checkups with my oncology team, and CT + MRI scans every three months going forward. While not technically a chemo drug, I am still on treatment. I take a targeted therapy BTK inhibitor called Brukinsa that my doctor has me on for several years. I may get monthly IVIG infusions if insurance approves it. I am immunocompromised, and I don’t know when my immune system will recover.
But God…
While we can work from the US, we are listening to God and engaging in a time of discernment of if and when we can return to Thailand. Nothing is beyond God, and our healing journey includes trusting and believing in the good plans He has for us. His timing – not ours!
Good to hear of the progress! May God give you all great wisdom as you move forward.
I’m awed with the knowledge of God’s grace and goodness in your lives, Chris and Becca. I rejoice with you and pray for daily mercy in navigating all that will come each day of uncertainty. May you know His presence with you in it all. Prayers for your dear children too!
I’m so thankful for this news about your being able to again work remotely even part-time, Chris. As I know well, working remotely has its good points and its drawbacks, but it does make working with MSEA from this side of the Pacific possible for us!
Dorothy
Continuing in our prayer for you and your family. Thanks for your faithful witness in this update!
Your continued healing, strength and faith amaze me! You’ve had many ups and downs and I continue to pray for you and the family that you all will continue on the upward slope. You are a true miracle, Chris and God has seen fit to heal you yet again. May you continue to improve….getting stronger both physically and spiritually. God bless!!!
Thanks for sharing your journey with us. I’m praying that each member of your family will continue to find God‘s healing touch!
Thankful with you for all that God is doing in healing your body and caring for your family. I continue to pray for His timing in your family’s next steps.
As I read your words this evening, I’m so thankful to God for bringing you through these months to the good place you are now at. Our prayers and thoughts of hope and goodness for you and your family continue. So, thanking God along with you!
Thanks for the update Chris and the good news. Blessings from us
We are so thankful for physical healing and continuing to pray with you as you process grief and trauma together, as well as discernment, trusting the Lord. I read this blessing today: “May the God of Transition be with you, inviting you to the new and the unknown where God waits to spring to life in you. May your willingness to be changed bring you ever nearer to the constancy of God, the one who was and is and will forever be your God. May your openness draw others to see God in their own transitions. May the God of Transition bless you.” –Maxine Shonk, OP
Hi Chris, I can relate with you to an extent. I don’t think I have suffered from cancer as much as you have! Thank you for sharing the reminder that Jesus is all we need!
With love and prayers,
Ken
Glad they are tracking MRD levels. Are they using clonoSEQ by any chance? It is the absolute best at tracking MRD levels.
My wife met your parents and I spoke to them when you were first diagnosed. Have been reading your blogs and praying for you and your family.
Thanks for sharing, Chris. May the Lord strengthen and minister His Love to you and the family in a million ways.
Thank you for this update and meditation on the psalm. Praying for all of you as you recommended ver together.
*Recover together
You’ve been through so much. May God provide for you “some bread baked over hot coals” like what strengthened Elijah. I’m thanking God for how you felt God’s peace, presence and closeness to you during the long period of being isolated. So grateful for that.
How beautiful is the Life of Jesus seen in you all in these days of healing! Praising him with you and asking for His healing to continue through and through for you all and the grace to flow to you all for the embracing of His direction as he reveals his wisdom in the way he directs all your steps ahead.
May the Lord heal all the sorrows and pains that you guys have been through. It’s good to hear this report and will continue to pray for complete healing and possible return to Thailand.
You are always in our prayers! Continue on the healing journey and remember, the Lord gives us today and tells us that tomorrow will take of itself.
Chris (and family) greetings <3
I love reading today’s message as much as any. I am praying with you and for you all, going through the next stages and whatever your daily lives hold right now as you all live and work through this chapter together, I appreciate the verses that you have shared to go along with your details shared in the update today, and as always, I am sitting here in awe. God is so big, so mighty, how incredible the experience is simply living here as a human able to know Him and see what He does (and thank you so much Chris and Rebecca for being so honest, so open, sharing both your genuine questions and also your wisdom in this letters). Much love to all of you from Chiang Mai.
Praying on for wisdom for you & healing for all in this complicated journey. May Jesus hold you fast!
From Isaiah 54(NKJV):
“O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires…All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children…No weapon formed against you shall prosper…This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me, says the Lord.”
So thankful you made it through these last months of”treatment”, Chris!
Praying for God’s deep comfort, and for emotional and physical healing to continue as you wait on Him.
Irene
Wow, just reading about your journey and all the unfamiliar names of the drugs you are on, some for years, makes me feel so small in knowing about the ups and downs of a cancer journey … even though some parts of the journey are at an end (praise God!), much still continues. May the counseling for each family member be effective and thorough, and may you all continue to see God’s hand in your lives.
Praise God for His faithfulness in your lives. We are so grateful for your sharing your thoughts with us today and for your love and faith. We continue to keep praying for you all.
Your letter is honest and hopeful and holds the tension of waiting upon the Lord. May you be strengthened in the waiting. The Lord is not in a hurry and He will lead your family into the healing and restoration. I’m so glad to hear you are in counseling to process this very intense and difficult season. Jesus provides healing in all areas of life. Sounds like you are enjoying the present moment in His embrace and allowing life to unfold at the pace of grace. Holding you all in prayer
I am so grateful for these updates and proud of you and your family! Lord, continue to use your power to heal and uplift this family!
Love,
C.J.
Your story and realness are an inspiration to me to walk with God every step of the way. We are continuing to pray for your healing inside and out.
Praise be to our ever faithful and loving God!
May He clearly guide you and also bring healing physically, mentally and spiritually to each one of you.
May He fill your lives with peace and hope for whatever He has in store for you.
Always hoping for nothing but the best for you and your family!✌🏻
So glad to hear of your progress!
Chris and Family —
May the LORD grant you clarity for your next step. You all are amazing — and so is our LORD!
Daniel
Hi Chris, Becca and family!
I rejoice with you over the treatment successes and continue to pray for all of you.
Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
Dennis
Rejoicing with you in the grace and kindness of the Lord. Thank you for your example and shining as a light for Jesus, throughout this difficult storm. Trusting with you for God’s protection and forever remission.
Don
Praying on for wisdom for you & healing for all in this complicated journey. May Jesus hold you fast!
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Isaiah 40:28,29
How many times have I said, thought, considered the 2 words “BUT GOD”? To encourage Chris and I, our children, people who are ill and suffering, people who need to rest their trust in our God? Countless. He is rich in mercy; He is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent, immutable….in each of those qualities applied to OUR GOD, love rests and rules. FAITHFULNESS. Grace, depths of mercy and a kindness we–nor medicine–knows nothing about. As we pray for you, for so many, we keep His Glory head of us, in front of us…….He is good. He is our King. Our Redeemer. Our Friend. His love covers you. XO
Soli Deo Gloria
Thank you for the update. You all remain in our prayers for continued healing both physical and emotional. Psalm 116 is one of my favorites. May this song encourage you:
https://youtu.be/xfut1pKTNGY?si=o4HoCe4-FtkbarFt
Thanks for that reflection Chris. You and your family have certainly been through a lot and it is good that you are all taking the time to heal emotionally as well. And that is probably the harder and more hidden thing to work through.
We thank you Lord for the obvious physical healing and may you complete that fully. We thank you for the on-going trauma and emotional healing that isn’t so obvious and is harder to realize and deal with. May you complete that fully also.