{"id":630,"date":"2025-05-16T14:52:06","date_gmt":"2025-05-16T18:52:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/?p=630"},"modified":"2025-05-16T14:52:06","modified_gmt":"2025-05-16T18:52:06","slug":"looking-back-looking-forward","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/2025\/05\/16\/looking-back-looking-forward\/","title":{"rendered":"Looking Back, Looking Forward"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Before I left my family for the \u201c40 days in the wilderness<\/a>\u201d, my daughter Emalene gave me a picture to keep with me, to hang up in my hospital room.\u00a0 She\u2019s really grown as an artist who enjoys expressing herself with drawing!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

The words of the Psalmist, written thousands of years ago, resonate with me as I reflect back and look forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Psalm 116 v1-2<\/strong>
I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I knew many people were praying for me, especially during the difficult 6 weeks apart from my family and 9 days of hospitalization for CAR-T-cell therapy, because I could feel God\u2019s peace, presence and closeness to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

v3<\/strong> The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came over me;
I was overcome by distress and sorrow.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

My doctor here in Grand Rapids reminded me that \u201cachieving remission was by no means guaranteed\u201d. With the news of my remission I am again brought back to my knees, in awe of God\u2019s healing in my life today and full of hope for the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

v4-5 <\/strong>Then I called on the name of the Lord: \u201cLord, save me!\u201d
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I am getting my strength back again.  I can feel the life returning to me, and our family is beginning to put the pieces back together after having gone through so much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

v6 <\/strong>The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

From the outside looking in, things are more and more normal.\u00a0 We are getting settled into our new home, our kids are wrapping up the school year, and I have been engaging more in remote work with Wycliffe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Several people have told me that, besides the mask, I look healthy again – and I think I would agree given where I\u2019ve come from!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My right leg muscles work well – I take Snoopy<\/a> for walks and runs without pain – but when something brushes up against it, I am reminded of a different reality – of the persistent numbness, and nerve twinges that occasionally flash through my muscles like lightning.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Despite appearances, each person in our family has experienced great trauma and grief in different ways. These effects are below the surface but very real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

v7-8 <\/strong>Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

I wish I could say that there are no more tears.  God has delivered me from death – wow, that was close!<\/em>  While my cancer disappeared from all the scans, trauma<\/em> and grief<\/em> are companions on a much longer road of healing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

v9 <\/strong>that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

On this journey of healing, Becca and I are learning to walk before the Lord<\/em> more deeply.  We are attending weekly counseling to work on all that we have been through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our kids are certainly resilient, but they have not come through without scars.\u00a0 They still ask when we are going to return to their home, to Thailand.\u00a0 Our answer is that we are focusing on healing, recovering as a family and trusting God through a discernment process. We are trusting God just like we did through the cancer storm.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

v10-11<\/strong> I trusted in the Lord when I said,
    \u201cI am greatly afflicted\u201d; <\/strong>
in my alarm I said,
    \u201cEveryone is a liar.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

There are sometimes moments in our home where the trauma and grief break through.  A daily reminder that I am a sinner in need of Jesus!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

v12-13<\/strong> What shall I return to the Lord
    for all his goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
    and call on the name of the Lord.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Through her drawing, my daughter spoke what I most needed to hear: all we need is Jesus!\u00a0 What can I do to thank God for all His goodness to me?\u00a0 To daily draw near to Him, to trust Him, and to get on my knees in dependence on Him.\u00a0 You, too, can do this with me.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking Forward<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s totally reasonable to ask \u201cWhat\u2019s next?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve read this far, the first picture is of growing tomato plants, started from seed, basking in the sun on our deck.  It\u2019s amazing to see how far they\u2019ve come, but they still have a lot of growing to do before they yield fruit!  Perhaps God has humbled us through this painful process so that we can grow in dependence on Him in the face of great uncertainty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am on intermittent medical leave through July 11, which means I can work remotely part-time as I\u2019m able.  After that, I will return to full-time remote work with Wycliffe while allowing time for regular appointments and scans.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

From a Medical Perspective…<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

My Grand Rapids doctor would say I am not \u201cout of the woods\u201d (but when on earth are we really ever out of the woods?)\u00a0 There is still a heightened sense of vigilance to catch anything early, if there were to be a recurrence or MRD (minimal residual disease – I am getting an education here).\u00a0 So I have monthly checkups with my oncology team, and CT + MRI scans every three months going forward.\u00a0 While not technically a chemo drug, I am still on treatment. I take a targeted therapy BTK inhibitor called Brukinsa that my doctor has me on for several years. I may get monthly IVIG infusions if insurance approves it. I am immunocompromised, and I don’t know when my immune system will recover.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But God\u2026<\/h4>\n\n\n\n

While we can work from the US, we are listening to God and engaging in a time of discernment of if and when we can return to Thailand.  Nothing is beyond God, and our healing journey includes trusting and believing in the good plans He has for us.  His timing – not ours!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Before I left my family for the \u201c40 days in the wilderness\u201d, my daughter Emalene gave me a picture to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":633,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-630","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"post_mailing_queue_ids":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/630","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=630"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/630\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":638,"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/630\/revisions\/638"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/633"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=630"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=630"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hirtfamily.net\/chris\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=630"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}